Anyone one out there, a mom or grandma who wants to join me on my journey to ask the hard questions to God? I mean the questions that provoke the raw emotions of confusion and disbelief, tears and anguish, pulsating joy and unconditional love. The questions that start with why God, why? Where are you God when my child has a disability, don’t you hear the groaning of my heart breaking?
I have spent the last 21 years, and especially the last 24 months (pandemic time well spent) wrestling with those questions and more with God. All resulting in a new level of intimacy with Him and daily conversations that continue to stretch me beyond what I knew I was capable of. A newfound joy and peace is mine that helps me understand “from glory to glory”, and I hope others might find it also.
But to do that alone and not with the strength of women around the world asking those same questions is to fall short. I was made for relationship not only with God, but he made me to be with others. I know God has placed woman to be the center of their families, communities and their churches. I was meant to, We are meant to learn and live together in sisterhood and compassion for one another.
So I want to do this with anyone who wants to join in this conversation and Bible study. To learn, grow, be strengthened and loved with other mom’s, grandma’s, caregivers and women that own the reality of disability daily and have faith to live it with purpose and understanding.
We are not talking easy questions, but ones that linger in the back of our hearts afraid the answers are so beyond our understanding that why even attempt to ask them.
I am going to be spending several weeks writing on the questions I personally took to and wrestled with God on understanding. Including:
- If we are made in the image of God, how does my child with a disability reflect into that image?
- Why did it have to be my child, did I do something wrong? What do I do with my shame and guilty feelings for not being overjoyed and thankful at and for the disability?
- If I pray hard enough will my child be healed?
- What about salvation? Will my child with an intellectual disability have the cognitive ability to ask for salvation? If they can’t understand will they still be saved?
- During the Resurrection will my child be healed? Will I even recognize them in the afterlife if they died young?
- Why does the body of the church (everyday folks) still marginalize my child because they are different? What can I do from my living room, on Zoom, or in church to build a more just and humane world?
What does God say about all of this in the Bible, his Word, our sacred text? God tells us “draw closer to Him and he will draw closer to you”. So let’s draw close knowing there are no definitive answers but a lot more understanding and peace.
Join me?
Amazing Awaits,
gailynn
PS. It is said that nothing about disability without those with disability. I am actually terrified of not being conscious of my “ablism” that I grew up with and my unconscious-bias. Now as an adult who has acquired multiply disabilities myself, I invite others into these conversations from the maternal filter and hope to do justice and not offend those with disabilities themselves. Indeed, I hope women with disabilities join in with their narratives so that we can learn together in conversations with God.
Chavah Mom 